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The Journal of a slightly depraved Mef
In which there are reprobates, The Stick of Insanity, and no sexy pictures... 
18th-Aug-2008 03:33 pm
susan
So! Last weekend life was filled with reprobates. I felt that it deserved a journal post, and sat down to write it, when my home was suddenly invaded by adorable little demented children. They screamed. They climbed over me. They pulled my hair and poked my parrot. I think he's been scarred for life. I know I have been.

To make matters worse, my siblings have recently been possessed by an urgent need to keep me away from the internet.



It started a few weeks ago, when I was happily emailing pictures of Joe Flanigan to pigrescuer (to distract her from her "work", as any fellow stargate fan would). My little sister wandered over and started reading over my shoulder.

Ro: Ho hum, email from PR, *clicks*
Email from PR: Stop sending me sexy pictures when I'm at work!
Little Sister: *stares, wide-eyed*
Ro: *splutters*
LS: *looks from the camera on the desk to Ro, clearly coming to her own conclusions*
Ro: It's not what you-! It's just this person I know from the internet - I mean -
LS: *staring reproachfully* I knew that you talked to people online, but I didn't realise you took it this far.
Ro: It's not like that!
LS: I really don't think I want to know the details.
Ro: But it was just - they're not of me!
LS: *backing out of the room very quickly with her hands on her ears* No details! La la la, not listening, not listening.
Ro: *bangs head repeatedly on keyboard*

I tried to explain later on and when she didn't bring it up again I assumed she'd understood that the sexy pictures were of, (a very attractive and fully clothed), Joe Flanigan.

All was well until earlier this week, when my laptop keyboard's inability to type overcame me. I went along to a PC repair place, Little Brother and Little Sister in tow, because they both have unhealthy fixations on technology and insisted on tagging along.

Grim PC Repair Lady: It's probably a software issue. Do you frequent porn sites?
Ro: Wha- no! Why would you -
GPCRL: There's no need to be defensive. It's just that these issues usually develop from viruses which are often accidentally downloaded from porn sites.
Ro: But I don't visit porn sites!
Little Brother: Um, we're still here, and also, you are being pretty defensive.
Ro: I am not!
LB: Maybe a little too defensive.
Ro: *wordless outrage*
Little Sister: *very innocently* Maybe your computer caught something from the person who asked you to stop sending them sexy pictures.
GPCRL: *raises eyebrows*
LB: If I had a list of things I never wanted to know about, this would be number one. Oh no - wait, I forgot about the time Aunt F told us about her 'special' lingerie. But this would be number two, definitely number two.

The upshot of this was that after I'd explained everything my siblings decided that there was probably nothing to worry about, but that they'd keep me away from my computer for a while to try and stop any potential-sexy-picture-sending, just in case. This meant that I couldn't finish my post until today, but I've managed it at last:

emerald_happy wandered down to London and we met up last-last Friday in Camden, (and I was only about fifteen minutes late, which actually isn't too bad). Camden is always fun, but it's even better when you have Emerald to wander around all the markets with. She was very good about pulling me on to the next stall when I started drooling over shiny earrings for too long.


Em talked about mature, second-year-student-y things, (like having to look for a job next year), whilst I subtly tried to point out to her how awesome London is to live in and how graduates can always find jobs here. And by 'subtly tried to point out', I mean something along the lines of: "Em! Why don't you come to London after Uni! We have Camden! And...really good waffles!"

In a way I feel that I could have come up with better arguments, but at the same time it's just difficult to see what could be more desirable in a city than the general availability of really good waffles. We gave up on maturity, for the most part, and just squeed. A lot. I had a particularly good reason to squee, having been gifted with The Stick of Insanity by Emerald The Ridiculously Talented And Generous:



When we'd eventually combed the whole of Camden, we wandered off, (as all good reprobates must when they come to London), to Forbidden Planet, where shiny new books were bought, (by Em, because I'd already blown my money). It was at this point that things started to go wrong. We discovered that the tube line Em needed to use to get home was down. This was not entirely unexpected...

In order to understand, you need to know that Em and I are cursed. Every time we meet up, the Universe kills a person. No literally, kills a person. One of us has been late at least half of the times we've met up because someone decided to throw themselves in front of one of our trains. It's getting to the point where I'm becoming familiar with the 'there has been a fatality' message. It goes something like this:

"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the continued delay, which is due to a fatality at Milton Keynes. We are doing all we can to resolve the situation as quickly as possible. Please stop pestering our representatives because they don't know any more than you do and bear in mind that 'resolving the situation' does involve picking bits of intestine out of the tracks, so your patience would be appreciated, unless you're willing to come down here and help us pick up bits of intestine out of the track. No? I didn't think so. Thank you for your cooperation."

Either there's some kind of social problem with suicide-by-train going on out there, or the Universe really doesn't like me and Em meeting up.

Whilst Em was trying to sort out how she was going to get home, PR was engaged in a mad dash to meet us at Oxford Circus. We were worried that she and Em were going to completely miss each other since Em had discovered that she had to leave in ten minutes. We paced Topshop tensely. Eventually my phone buzzed. "I'm here!" said PR. I made vague questioning noises and then PR said, "I can see you!". A few moments later Em and I were hit by a PR shaped blur.

After dropping Em off at the station, PR and I found ourselves alone, (abandoned), on Oxford Street. Conveniently near a Starbucks, a Pret a Manger and a Cafe Nero, all within a few meters of each other. We were wondering how to decide which one to go to, and I (jokingly) suggested spinning my Stick of Insanity around and letting it choose.

PR decided that this was an excellent idea. She found a clear spot on the pavement and spun the stick of insanity and proclaimed Cafe Nero the winner. Passer-bys stared. I made 'I-do-not-know-this-strange-umbrella-spinning-girl' faces. We went to Cafe Nero.

Saturday was when hebe0 wandered down from Oxford. I was late, (as usual), but so was PR, (so that was all right :D), and we all managed to arrive and converge on Hebe at exactly the same moment. Hebe, far from being daunted, bore with the shrieking and intermittent stargate talk throughout the day, with only an occasional, "Children! Don't make me separate you!" :)

PR's already posted about what was the highlight of the day here.



There was lots more that happened on both days - it's always fun to hang out with reprobates - but this post seems to be long enough already. Back to the demented children, I guess. There are worrying noises emerging from my parrot's room.
Comments 
18th-Aug-2008 03:40 pm (UTC)
O wordy Ro you are A+++ hilarious! I burst out laughing at your sisters comments about porn and sexy photos my siblings thought I was crazy. I love the stick of insanity. You realise though, that I will never see umbrellas the in same way ever again :P
18th-Aug-2008 05:55 pm (UTC)
:D Rain! I still can't believe you're going to be coming here. Maybe we can get a Stick of Insanity for you too? (You're going to need an umbrella, after all :) ).
19th-Aug-2008 02:37 pm (UTC)
AWESOME! We should all have our own sticks of insanity! Then when (I say when and not if :D) we meet up we can pretend we are knights and lance people with them. Yay! I can't wait to go over!
18th-Aug-2008 03:53 pm (UTC)
...

You know, I never think that you're making anything up, but it still boggles the mind that all this stuff actually happens to you. Can I come to London? Maybe some of the insanity will rub off on me. On second thought, I've had enough of demented children for the summer...

Also: I LOVE Ninja Bob! The name has stuck. Thank you so much!!!! *glomps*
18th-Aug-2008 06:01 pm (UTC)
I blame PR for that particular incident. It's all her fault. :)

It would be awesome if you came to London. :D We could create chaos. The demented children aren't that bad! (Okay, they are, but it'd be worth braving them to create chaos here, wouldn't it?)

Glad you like Ninja Bob. :) Em spotted him, and we cooed over his sword a bit and then decided that it was Meant To Be. I hope he brings you luck! (Or at least that you can use his tiny sword to poke anyone who irritates you - it only takes two inches in the right place, as we all know :) ).
27th-Aug-2008 08:40 pm (UTC)
Hey hey hey hey. Nobody made you send me pictures of thigh holsters while I was at work. As for the porn, I'll not comment on that.

Although you *did* tell me you loved NC-17 fanfiction, and it's only one step from fanfic to videos...
27th-Aug-2008 08:47 pm (UTC)
Hey hey hey hey. Nobody made you send me pictures of thigh holsters while I was at work. As for the porn, I'll not comment on that.

I - what!? I don't know why everyone's suddenly accusing me of watching porn! I'm known as the *innocent* one usually!

I do refuse to apologise for the thigh holsters, though.

Although you *did* tell me you loved NC-17 fanfiction, and it's only one step from fanfic to videos...

I did not! Defamation! I said that I liked to read slash! I tend to avoid NC-17 because it creeps me out a little, and I'm sure I remember mentioning this somewhere. *raises eyebrow* :)
18th-Aug-2008 04:14 pm (UTC)
LOLOLOL your siblings sound awesome (like mine are awesome, i.e. at being pains in the butt that make you laugh against your will).

I AM COMING TO LONDON. I need to email you about this. I will email you about this. If I had not accidentally spilled scented oil on the piece of paper with my alleged calendar for this upcoming semester (it turns out when you spill oil on paper, you can wipe the ink on it clear away, and the paper will dry out and look exactly the same, so this tragedy was not completely without its cool sides), I would perhaps be able to email you earlier. Ah well. Worse comes to worst (...is that how that phrase goes? I suddenly do not know), you could always come to France again. :-b

Man, I was just thinking last night about how much I miss Chatzy! In the mornings I only have time to check my email and my f-list, and at night I get on at 10:00 my time which is like 3:00 in the morning everywhere else in the world. D:

Also also I am totally bummed they postponed (...that word does not have a hyphen in it. I knew that) the premier of the new HP movie, because I was totally going to jump ship and go to the London premier. Now I will have to write a grant proposal about "observing the crossover phenomenon between the literary and visual worlds" and "discussing with fellow observers the merits of screenplay adaptations."

Also also ALSO the Stick of Insanity reminds me in a rather strange way of Mary Poppins's umbrella. Just throwing that out there.

:-D
18th-Aug-2008 09:27 pm (UTC)
Siblings do have their moments. :) Life certainly wouldn't be the same without them.

YAY! I'm really tempted to test the ink-wiping-scented-oil thing now, it could come in handy. I'm very pleased about you coming though, because I seem to remember you saying something about the end of September, and I've just discovered that I don't have to leave for Uni until around Oct 3rd, so I should be here!

That is a shame about the HP movie premiere. Maybe you'll make it over for that anyway though, depending on when it's postponed until, (I'm thinking Christmas).

The Stick of Insanity is quite like Mary Poppins's umbrella, you're right, though I haven't tried flying with it yet, it has proven very useful for poking people with. All Em's amazing handiwork.
18th-Aug-2008 10:26 pm (UTC)
This is true.

It was really quite fascinating! ...aside from the giant smear mark where all the important French contact info should be. :-b And yes, I'll be coming the last week of September (basically, the first three weeks of September we do nothing but language class, and then we have the last week off before REAL school starts at about the same time yours does), so YAYAYAY.

Apparently it's postponed to JULY. *weeps*

Em! I haven't spoken to Em in AGES. *emails*
19th-Aug-2008 02:21 am (UTC)
THAT STICK OF INSANITY ROCKS.

I am very afraid that a meeting between you, Em, PR, Hebe and Jade just might cause an actual rift in the Universe. From so much awesomeness/insanity in the same place.
20th-Aug-2008 08:20 pm (UTC)
I KNOW! :D

Emma too, if she manages to make it. And any other stray Sounisians. I know I always say this, but reprobates really are awesome to hang out with. :)
27th-Aug-2008 08:42 pm (UTC)
Keep an eye on the papers for spontanrous combustion in London for that week.

Or, you know, arrests of three British and an American girl causing havoc in coffee shops in and around London.
27th-Aug-2008 08:56 pm (UTC)
If you're going to make a fuss, just be sure to make a big enough one that it makes the US newspapers, too. :)
28th-Aug-2008 01:54 am (UTC)
*seconds this request*

:-)
20th-Aug-2008 07:00 pm (UTC)
And the Stick of Insanity was an important prop for PR's tour guide impression in the BM.
20th-Aug-2008 08:21 pm (UTC)
:D And what a good tour guide impression she did.
27th-Aug-2008 08:43 pm (UTC)
You would so have gotten lost if I hadn't had it. Don't deny it, people.
27th-Aug-2008 09:06 pm (UTC)
*pats* Of course we would've. :) Even more lost than we were anyway.
27th-Aug-2008 08:45 pm (UTC)
I was late, (as usual), but so was PR, (so that was all right :D)

Yes, but I had an excuse. Everything is British Rail's fault. What did you have? You left late. *shakes head*

Did you want any pictures from either meet? Or of mountains, since I have plenty. ^_^

(sorry for all the comments, it's nearly eleven in Austria and I've been in bed by ten most nights.. plus I've been up since six Austrian time and I've eaten two Milka bars now)
30th-Aug-2008 02:13 am (UTC) - Late reply, (so nothing unusual there...)
I had a good excuse! My...parrot needed to be fed. Or something. I can't remember. But it was a good excuse!

Yay pictures! Send me all and any you have, of the meets or mountains or whatever. I need more distraction from these history books, (I read three whole pages today! The notes I was taking ended up being longer than the three pages of the book. *sigh*)

30th-Aug-2008 11:36 pm (UTC)
Ro, I think I've had very similar experiences with defending myself from porn allegations. I've been accused of reading it a few times over the last week and a half (my Europe holiday, which will be posted about in due course). It normally ended up in my panicking and replying, "I don't know what you mean! Where would you find this "fan fiction"?" in a confused and aggrieved manner.
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